Trying to pin down the exact point of departure between a fashion savvy metrosexual and his man-loving homosexual counterpart can be like splitting hairs. It is like questioning which one is more brutal, Alien or Predator? Or who is more psycho, Freddy or Jason?
Metrosexual is the popular word used to describe the modern man with a high disposable income who pays great attention to his appearance.
They’re no longer only found between the covers of fashion magazines, on television or in gay bars, metrosexual men are everywhere now—and they’re always so busy grooming.
Out of the way, women! If you think you have achieved equality with men in professional or social spheres, you’re forgetting something. Men today are rapidly catching up in the vanity race and might soon be as pretty as you are! Forget that wet and sticky pomade from the past, today men’s lifestyle nourishment centres around malls, clubs, spas, gyms, beauty clinics and hairdressers.
"It’s the world’s modernisation trend that demands men make themselves their own object of desire and pride."
Some women find that the metrosexual man is more tender hearted than his ‘ordinary’ counterpart. I am not surprised though, whose heart wouldn’t go to putty after constant pampering with lulur, or a traditional lightening body scrub, a wax here and there; oh, and don’t forget the cucumber patches to help maintain the shine of the window to his soul. Surely they’ll understand women’s feelings and how to treat them better after being treated like one. But how far can this metrosexuality go without mistakenly crossing to the other side...homosexuality?
With careful observation and a bit of extra common sense, you can spot the difference between these two types of vain men.
Ladies, you may want to take some notes if you think your boyfriends’ or husbands’ metrosexual-o-meter might have gone just a bit too far. Let’s explore how to tell when his dedicated urbaneness has taken a turn down bent street.
Is he really just a metrosexual? Or is he a bit metrosexual and a bit homosexual? Bare in mind, not all facts stated below are 100% guaranteed, but it helps to know if your guy prefers James Bond or Elton John.
If he’s often overly fussy, like a cockatoo, about aesthetics and behaviours (such as neatness, decoration or public services) or he gets hysterically happy receiving gifts related to body treatment products (such as body lotion, exclusive shaving cream and after shave, perfume, etc), there’s an 88% chance he’s homosexual.
Pay attention to the way he arrange his tops. Size wise, if it’s semi-fitted, that’s acceptably metrosexual, but if it’s so tight you can see the curves of his gym-toned body, he’s most likely pitching his tent for the gay camp.
Also watch if he pops the collar of his polo shirt, or ‘tries’ to look preppy by wrapping a sweater around his neck just for the heck of having a ‘focal point’, then he’s 99.5% gay. Flat front trousers serve both categories, they are the most commonly seen, but it’s just indicating a modern silhouette and should be considered standard for this matter.
Watch out for his selection of accessories. A metrosexual man will choose fashionable items that are rather functional and most importantly practical. If you see him carrying the ‘it’ tote bag (no matter if it’s made from canvas or crocodile leather), wearing shoes that are too pointy or too shiny, has reshaped eyebrows and flaunts coloured contact lens, I’m sorry ladies, you can say “buh-bye gay!” to him now.
Too much perfume can increase gayness 45%, but if you see any evidence of whitening cream or concealer in his toiletries, beware of the 80% possibility he prefers the company of gentlemen. A ‘Dragon Ball’ hairstyle indicates over the top funkiness, which is simply a style gone passe, but when it comes with bits of fringe and Liza Minelli sideburns, and especially if it has been highlighted here and there, then you’re looking at 92% chance he’s not just ‘with it’.
Shaved armpits sometime present cleanliness, but don’t you think it’s a bit girlie for guys? Don’t worry too much if he’s bulky on the top but has a pair of tooth picks for legs. It’s quite common for the metrosexual gym bunny to concentrate too much on the upper-body and forget to exercise the legs. Elements of pop culture can be expressed through a dashing of girlie colours on his shirt, tie or underwear and the appearance of dear cartoon character on his belongings can raise the queer factor 60%.
Last but not least, observe his so-called art collection, be it sculpture, painting or photography. If you find pieces inspired by the male body, then I rest my case right now. It’s the world’s modernisation trend that demands men make themselves their own object of desire and pride. But its their lifestyle orientation that causes us confusion in recognising which of them is straight, bisexual, or gay.
No matter if you have a low opinion of metrosexuals, who can hate them when everyone can enjoy the benefits? There’s less problems with men’s style, they smell good and neatness is not such an issue anymore. Not to mention the esthetics that delight our eyes. These are ‘bonus’ elements from just being plain macho.
Instead of sticking to the stereotypical old fashion man that can be dominating sometimes, perhaps you want to opt for metrosexual man who will probably just dominate your shelf space in your bathroom?
I know you wouldn’t mind sharing your feminine essentials with your metrosexual partner, so do the math, if his average percentage of H&M-esque is still below 50%, then you have nothing to worry about.